Emotional Bids in Business: The Overlooked Signals That Strengthen Relationships
John Gottman’s research on personal relationships introduced the idea of “bids for connection”—those small, everyday signals we send out in hopes of being noticed, understood, or supported. Something as simple as a passing comment, a question, or a glance. These are all subtle ways we test whether the other person is willing to connect.
It’s not just couples or close friends who do this. People also make emotional bids at work—whether they’re employees trying to be seen by their manager or customers hoping a brand cares about their concerns. The stakes might look different, but the underlying need is the same: people want to feel acknowledged and valued.
And just like in personal relationships, business leaders and brands either turn toward those bids—or they turn away.
What an Emotional Bid Looks Like in Business
A frustrated Slack message.
A customer tagging your brand on social media.
A colleague asking for input in a meeting.
A quiet employee staying late without saying much.
A client giving vague but persistent feedback.
These are all emotional bids. They may not come wrapped in clear language or even sound like a request. But they’re chances to build trust—or erode it.
Turning toward these bids doesn’t mean always having the perfect response, but acknowledgment shows you noticed and cared enough to engage.
Why Responding Matters
When a leader consistently turns toward emotional bids, your team doesn’t just feel heard—they feel safe. They trust that speaking up won’t backfire, their input has value and they belong.
The same holds true with brands. Customers quickly notice whether a company engages with feedback, especially when something goes wrong. A thoughtful, timely response can restore credibility and even deepen loyalty. Silence, on the other hand, often reads as indifference.
Actionable Strategies
Here are a few ways leaders and brands can start paying closer attention to emotional bids:
Watch for subtle cues. Not every bid is loud. Look for nonverbal signs, offhand comments, or shifts in tone or engagement.
Acknowledge before you fix it. Sometimes the most potent response is a simple “I hear you.” Don’t jump to solutions before showing empathy.
Create space for check-ins. Build in regular moments—one-on-ones, surveys, or open forums—where people feel safe making bids.
Train your team to listen. Encourage managers and customer-facing employees to recognize bids and respond with care, not just efficiency.
Follow through. It’s not enough to react in the moment. If a bid reveals a deeper issue, take meaningful steps to address it.
Final Thoughts
Strong relationships—at home, at work, and in the market—aren’t built on grand gestures but on how we respond to the small moments. Emotional bids are always happening. The question is whether we’re paying attention.
If you want a more resilient team or more loyal customers, start by listening to the bids they’re already making.
References
Gottman, J. M., & Silver, N. (1999). The seven principles for making marriage work. Crown Publishers.
